Sad for my friend

A very close and dear friend of mine had to say goodbye. She said goodbye to hopes and dreams that may never come true for her. She became my friend because we'd both had the same surgery. She and I both had our tubal reversed by a dr in Mexico. We were balked at and told we were stupid by friends and family. I think it only made us stronger and we wanted it more. After almost three years later she has endured mutliple etopic pregnancies. She finally made the decision to remove her tubes totally. I'm so sad for her. She has youth on her side but sadly not money. I hope they are blessed with the ability to attempt IVF. I'll continue to pray for my friend. Her loss has taught me something. I've learned to be grateful for what I have and even more grateful for what I don't have. I'm happy healthy and I'll be able to conceive another day. I pray for the same thing for my friend. I love ya CB!!!!

My mom cancelled Mother's Day

No really she cancelled her own Mother's Day. She said Mother's day is set aside for women who were good mothers and she didn't think she was worthy. How stupid is that? She wouldn't accept our phone calls at first. I think my grandmother made her call me. All she did was make me cry and ruin my day. I wish she'd get some help.

I feel so selfish but I'm just sad

This is the only place I can whine and not hurt my husband's feelings or make him feel inadequate. The house we live in is old and needs quite a few repairs. We had a great opportunity to buy another house that's bigger, newer and nicer. My husband and I are both self-employed so we deduct all that we can off our taxes. Guess this has come back to bite us in the butt. I tried to get a pre-approval at the bank and because of our taxes we can't qualify for the house now. We make great money but we're stuck in this crapper because of freaking taxes.
Now the guilt....
With so many people losing their homes and jobs you would think I would be grateful for what I have. I feel quilty for wanting more than I have. All I know to do is pray for what's right and move on. It makes me sad and I feel like a failure for not being able to provide my children their dream house. I will recover and I am very blessed.

Gotta get healthy

A few weeks ago I had my yearly exam. I opted to get a blood test to check my thyroid because I just knew that was the cause of my problems. Thyroid came back fine but my cholesterol...WHOA mama...it was 30 points high. 30!!!! I'm only 37 and I have early signs of heart disease. It runs in my family. Dad had all 5 valves worked on several years ago. Well just today, James and I were laying in bed watching television; it was a story about a 42 yr old woman with heart disease. I told James we just needed to get busy getting healthy. I looked up fish recipes and we went shopping. While we were at Wal-mart we checked our blood pressure. I was in the pre-hypertension range and he was even worse than that. We needed to get serious. We bought no sugar products whatsoever. I bought almonds and low dose aspirin. I figure every little bit helps. Maybe I can talk James into a walk now.

Women scorned

I'm so very tired of bitching about this but every once in awhile my green monster rears it's ugly head. Two years ago I had tubal reversal surgery. I got pregnant 6 months after but miscarried. I haven't been able to get pregnant since. I know tons of women who have had the surgery that have gone on to have successful pregnancies, some even twice. While I have always enjoyed being "special" I really wish I was average when it comes to being pregnant. LOL

I never gave pregnancy a second thought until my surgery. I was clueless as to how the whole fertile myrtle thing happened. When I think back now it might not have been so easy for me to get pregnant. There are 3 years between my first two. I never used BC on a regular basis. I guess if it took me three years to conceive then I shouldn't be shocked that I'm having such a hard time now. However, there is only two years and two months between the last two. HMMM maybe I'm realizing a pattern here. Oh where oh where are my patience!?! I have a hard time letting go and letting God. I don't think he likes that too much. I need to learn my lesson I guess.

so not fair

My sister and her three kiddos came down for a visit. I love to see them but it always seems to upset me before they leave. My mother has a total of 8 grandchildren but you would think she only had 3 with the way she treats my sister's children differently. I saw my mother last thursady and she said that she wanted us all to get together and go to the water park Monday or Tuesday. I called my grandmother Monday afternoon to wish her a happy birthday. My cousin's little girl had been staying with my grandmother and I asked if she was still there and that's when she told me that she had gone to the water park with my mom and my sister, her friend and my sister's 3 boys!!! I was pissed! She does this crap all the time. I could tell you hundreds of stories were my children have been treated indifferent by my mother. I'm so tired of it. I feel like my hands are tied because she's my mom and I need her in my life but I shouldn't allow her to treat my kids differently. If I mention it, she'll shame me for begrudging my nephews fun when my kids have it so much better than my sister's kids. Are my kids to be punished because I'm a better parent? I just wanted to vent. Thanks!

I did it!

I finally passed my real estate tests. I had to take the national part twice. I missed it by 4 points the first time. I'm so glad it's over. I hope I can find a job tomorrow..wish me luck!