Be grateful

I get to feeling so sorry for myself sometimes for no good reason. I think it's just somethign wacky with my chemical genetic make-up. I had one of those moments tonight. I kept getting really upset with how my husband was acting. He wasn't being over the top mean but I was taking it to the extreme. Tonight we loaded up several bags and took them to Goodwill. When we drove up I noticed there was a bike laying on it's side. I didnt think anything of it at the time. We unloaded our bags and got back in the truck. My husband asked me if I noticed the man in the dumpster....I hadn't. I was too caught up in my own pity party and I didn't notice someone who had it worse off than I did. I started crying...crying about the way I felt, crying for the shame I felt for the way I acted, crying for the man digging in the dumpster and riding a bike to get to where he wants to go. When I got home my son said he'd left me something sweet on my myspace. I logged on and noticed a friend had posted a bulletin. I visited his site and noticed some blogs he'd written that I hadn't read yet. My friend has been fighting a brain tumor for several years now. He had participated in relay for life. He was describing how touched he felt and how he finally realized what a horrible disease he had been fighting. I broke down again. My dear sweet friend has never felt sorry for himself one single day for the last 10 years. He walks around with a 1/4 of his brain missing with a smile on his face. I have all of my brain and still manage to find some reason to feel sorry for myself. How shallow am I. I'm glad God sent those signs to me and I'm thankful that I could take them and use them to realize what a beautiful life that I have. Thanks God!!!

Losing a friend

An old friend went to be with God today. While I am sure lots of people blog about losing friends this is a different story altogether. I know that my friend is walking with the Lord. He was an awesome human being and served his savior with his whole heart and soul. The person I feel the most sorrow for is his mother. She always wanted more children and never had any other children besides Paul. She lost her one and only child. How tragic is that. She'll never have anymore children or grandbabies. It's such a horrible chapter to have to end in your life. From my point of view as a mother with a strong desire to have more children unsuccessfully, I totally feel her pain. Something kind of programming in women well most of them, makes us want to love and nourish babies...lots of them. That's gone for her. It's so hard to explain. I sincerely hope that Jane finds peace and love and can move past the pain. I know that I will be praying for her and what better angel to have in heaven watching over you than your own child.

mean vs. nice

Why is it so much easier to be mean. I did a really good deed for my mom this week. She has praised me nonstop for going the distance for her....I finally asked her "Was I so bad before?". I know I am not the nicest person in the world and I am well known for my verbal diarrhea but I didn't think I was that bad. My mother and I have always had kind of a strained relationship. It has only been recent that we are good friends. I love and respect her but I don't like her very much sometimes. I think she can be selfish and self-centered and I think she has the same opinion of me. I have four brothers and sisters and I am definitely NOT the squeeky wheel. I'm painfully independent. I could count on one hand the times I have asked her for help. I have always paid back money when I owed it. I always help with holiday preparation. I say this because my brothers and sister DO NOT do these things. I just keep thinking about what my mom always says..."we don't do nice things for the reward we might receive for doing them".